Blog Revival

It’s been a while since I blogged. Let’s be honest, there has been both too much and not enough to warrant blogging. Too much has been too personal, too intimate, and too hard to share.

Let’s see if I can revive this.

I have a feeling a livejournal would be more appropriate than a “blog” because my life is simply not that interesting.

 

New Year Musings

2015, 1-1-15.

Day 1 of 365.
Week 1 of 52.

It’s been an interesting ride, these last few years. As a matter of fact, I couldn’t tell you even remotely what I was doing around New Year’s last year, or even the year prior. This year we rang it in quietly, at home with our pets, reading books and listening to music. One Republic’s new CD, which in turn I’ve been humming all day.

The minimalist, less technology centered life sounds so very appealing, after the rough waters of the last two years. Sean and I have talked about building a tiny house, if we can secure funding. I think the cultivation of the things that really matter will make a huge difference. Spend more face time with friends instead of Facebook.

This year I have a few goals, most of which are centered around a transition to a more simple, less plugged-in lifestyle. The first is to give up Facebook, hopefully completely. A friend put it eloquently: ” I think there’s a lot of value in unplugging and putting the energy into real relationships.”

I couldn’t agree more. I can only imagine what I’ll be able to do with my free time. Instead of arbitrary posts on Facebook, I’m going to make an effort to create lasting memories. Print photos instead of uploading them. Call and reach out to friends instead of expecting it from them. Spend more time with my family. Put more energy into experiences, instead of material things.

Even the smallest of steps, I’m sure, will make a noticeable difference in my lifestyle.

A year and change

It’s hard to believe that more than a year has gone by since I last blogged. 2013 was a deplorable year, and 2014 equally so. I’ll be happy to watch this year depart.

I’m not sure where to pick up, but I know I want to. Hopefully you’ll have me.

 

Life in your 20s

I think I’m starting to realize that life in your 20s is not supposed to make sense. Ever.

You’ll take a path that feels like it should be a straight line, and instead it winds up feeling something akin to being in a bouncy house. Up, down, and sideways.  I’ve been trying to get my life on this pre-set path of what I want it to be, which feels more linear: graduate college, get a job, buy a house, and eventually do the whole American white picket fence.  Retire in France where I will not own a car and eat gelato every day and visit the Louvre at least once a week. I find that in reality, that’s probably never going to happen, at least not in the near future. I don’t really want kids right now, I haven’t been able to find that perfect job, and I find myself looking for things that fulfill me. I don’t mean what you might think.

Do you remember when you were a kid, and you had these wonderful dreams of what you would be when you grew up? What was it? Why are you NOT doing that right now? Somehow, sometime along that way you changed your mind to fit into the norm, or into what was expected, or you were told you weren’t good enough or you didn’t have enough money/talent/expertise. That dream faded and you became part of the rat race, working your ass off and making just enough to pay off the bills.

My dream was horses. I wanted to be a USEF champion rider and maybe even compete in the Olympics. I had posters of Rolex and the O’Connors all over my walls and dreams of being a 3-day eventer. I even picked out a college with an equestrian program because I wanted to bring my little pony with me. Fast forward through graduation and lessons…and nearly three years “sober” from the horse world. I cried at horses on TV and watched Rolex with rapt attention when it was broadcast on the internet.  So instead of lamenting my sappy story, I drove around and emailed barns trying to see what was in the area. I was fortunate to meet a welcoming barn with an upcoming trainer who is not discipline specific. I’m having a blast.

Be open to change – because it might just be what you need.

On improving oneself

I think there are a lot of reasons we go out and decide to do something. Sometime’s it’s an outside trigger, like money or a new bikini. Other times it’s because you, as a person, feel the need to make a change.

Over the last few weeks I’ve been starting to diet and to take my health more seriously.  Then, I had my wisdom teeth removed and turned to a steady diet of yogurt and ice cream because I can’t chew!  So that’s been put on hold, but not forgotten.  You see, my initial motivator was that if I lost X amount of weight I would reward myself with something I really want.  It’s win-win! But, like most humans, I made excuse after excuse as to why I wouldn’t do something.

I don’t like the gym.

I don’t like running.

I hate working out in front of people.

I can’t afford it.

Blah, blah, blah.  The list goes on.  The truth is, I am at nearly 30 BMI and that’s not ok with me. It’s embarrassing.  Then, today I considered seriously doing something I never would have thought of doing before, and there are physical requirements. I have a lot of work to do to get there, and I know if I want to succeed I need to excel physically. I think I have this notion that if I am more physically fit I will have more to recommend myself, not just to this new thing but in life.

Psychology aside, it’s time to stop thinking and start doing.  This doesn’t just mean for me…do what it is you want to do, and stop putting it on hold or making excuses.

Gramma’s Taco Pie

This is my absolute favorite dinner. I make it a different way each time based on what I have on hand, but tonight’s was exceptionally tasty. Here is about what I used! Feel free to eyeball and make substitutions, and tell me if you get something especially tasty!

Gramma’s Taco Pie

1 lb ground meat, drained
1/2 can (4oz) refried beans
1 cup salsa
1/4 cup jalapeños
1/3 can green chiles
2 tbsp chili powder
1 tbsp ground red pepper
1 tbsp paprika
2 tsp garlic, minced
2 tsp onion powder OR 1/3 cup minced onion
1 package taco seasoning
Cilantro, chipotle to taste
1 package flaky layers biscuits
1 1/2 cups cheese
8-10 olives, sliced
Sour cream to serve

Brown meat & drain. Spray & line 13×9 pan with biscuits – they will not reach edge to edge, which is ok! Bake until barely golden at recommended temp (350).

Dice or use food processor to mix salsa and peppers. Mix all ingredients into meat and let simmer until most liquid is cooked off. Put shredded cheese on top of biscuits, then add meat, more cheese and sliced olives. Bake until cheese is brown.

Serve with sour cream, and then tell your Grandmother you love her. ❤

Goodwill haul

Had a super successful trip to Goodwill yesterday! I came home with this gem.

It has great structure and aside from a few deep scratches looks fab. We need to fill those, make a small adjustment to the doors and paint it!

What color? Bright pink, purple (think vivid jewel tones), high gloss white or satin black with a gloss stencil? A la this pin.

Let’s have that reality check.

I have to admit I am afraid to write this.  I’m afraid of being judged, and I’m also afraid of sounding ungrateful and snobbish. But maybe it will help to know these thoughts are not just my own inner turmoil, after all. They are fact, at least in my mind.  One of the reasons I have decided to finally write this down is because I KNOW I am not the only person out there who has felt this way.  I can artificially connect with other people who have felt ashamed and pathetic, too! (Read the sarcasm there 😉 ).

I’ll temper this with a short introduction. I’m someone who usually manages to look at the bright side of things. I have a home, a caring husband, and a life that is fairly cozy. I am not writing this from a position that I realize many people are in, where a job is not a luxury but a necessity.  I know that I have the luxury of being supported by my husband, and budgeting to live within our means. I also know that I loathe that reliance.

You see, I’ve had to move around a lot due to my husband’s job.  This started right after I got out of college, when his career would had to take first place. I thought I was okay with that, and I was determined to make it work.  I am ashamed to admit that it feels like my goals have dissipated the longer I have been in this situation.  First I blamed it on the economy…and then I blamed myself. Now, I have been trying to figure out ways to make it so I once again have goals worthy of voicing.  You see, I don’t want some minimum-wage food service job.  I don’t want to bust my neck to eek up the $2 tip someone left me on a $40 tab, just to go home and not see my family since my shift ended late.   I don’t want to have to work 50 hours a week just to clear enough money so Uncle Sam and the Department of Education get paid.  Oh, wait…isn’t that what a degree is for? To help you succeed in the world, they said. To give you a leg up, they said.

I call bull. I have that lovely BA and it has not helped me other than heaping a steaming pile of student loans into my debt-t0-income ratio.  I have managed to take 4 years of education and extra-curriculars and turn them into a desire to be 17 again, just so I could not go to school and have this debt.  I feel guilty for putting my parents in this situation.  Even though I don’t want to, I feel guilty for every time we “splurge” and go to the movies, or when I want to do something superficial like get hair extensions because I opted for the $12 hair cut instead of the salon visit.

I guess I didn’t learn my lesson well enough, because here I am, thinking maybe I’ll go back to school. What would I major in?  What for? Oh, that’s right, let’s get those student loans in deferment with a full-time course load! In the meantime, let’s also plop a whole bunch debt on top of that pile of loans.  There is one perk:  the catch-22! You can now get internships for credit for extra work experience, and know that it is totally okay to be unemployed. Occupation: full-time student!

Here’s what I keep hearing when I interview. “You’re not a match,” or “we’re looking for different qualifications,” or “you present yourself well but we are seeking a candidate with more experience.”  What ever happened to entry-level?  No, that’s not good enough.  I resent every application I send in, wishing they would just speak to me instead of at me and give me a chance.  I especially hate getting excited when reading a job description thinking I would be perfect for this job, only to find that I don’t have the prerequisite 1-2, or usually 3-5 years experience. I practice in front of the mirror ignoring my disappointment. I so dearly want to say, “I’m so sick of being told ‘no’ and I just want someone to give me a chance. Please, please give me the opportunity. I’m very dedicated and willing to learn!”  I find ways to twist my words around so I don’t sound desperate.  Then, I hang up the phone or leave the parking lot crying because I know that once again my hopes are too high.  It doesn’t matter how “bright” or “talented” I am, or that I “can do anything I set my mind to”.  If I’m never given the opportunity, then I’m failing.

Three years of failure is about as much as a woman can take.  I so desperately want a job that will allow me to have a modicum of self-respect that I have considered having kids just so I can say I’m a stay-at-home-mom instead of a housewife.  I am a housewife, and I hate it.

You know what they say…you can’t see the forest for the trees. Maybe I’ll come out of this, look back at it and laugh. Tomorrow is another day.

PS. Please be kind if you choose to comment and remember I am a human being.

Sentimental with spray paint

It’s truly amazing the things that can bring you together when you move around a lot.  You learn how to make friends quickly, keep you heart close, and how to say goodbye.  I picked up a pair of end tables for $5 each when someone was moving, and we wound up becoming best friends!  They have sat in my house for 8 months, being used but never re-styled.     When it warmed up today I took on several projects after lunch, and I finally decided I’d paint the first one.  It’s still not dry but I wanted to share anyway! I guess distance makes the heart grow fonder – miss you T!

 

Holla!

I’ve finally done it…opened up yet another blog. This one will hopefully be a conglomeration of all the old (mostly defunct/hidden) blogs. Written by Mandi, for the public.

Here’s what you need to know about me:

I am 23 years old, married, and we have six birds and a cat. I love photography, books, and generally making a nuisance of myself to my husband. We have a fun relationship where we will never have to grow up all the way. I’m also a hopeless romantic. My husband is currently serving in the military, and that makes life a little stressful.  It’s taught me how to be flexible, which is how I want this blog to be. Writing about anything, from my home to travels to my pets.

Also: “holla’ is a term used at Sweet Briar College…my alma mater.  Nothing that you cannot dooooo!